It has been awhile since I last had a good exercise. I know that I've been living quite an unhealthy lifestyle lately, and it has started taking it's toll on my body. So last Saturday afternoon I put on my jogging track and my jogging shoes and went for a quick one around the block where my apartment was.
I couldn't believe that my stamina was THAT bad. Without going into too much details, I'd just like to say that back in the old days (this phrase makes me feel really old) I know I could do better. But at the very least, I took the first step and brave the run even though I was afflicted with a really bad migraine. So proud of myself (yeah...right...)
As I jogged I saw all around me the aftermath of a typhoon: fallen tree branches everywhere, littering the road. Nobody has done anything about these, and nobody didn't seem to care. I didn't either. I just ran...without caring...
In retrospect, as I sit here right now, I feel as if deep inside my heart I'm also going through the aftermath of a storm. There was wreckage everywhere deep inside, and I just ran past them. I'm just circling around and around, seeing the aftermath but pretending to not care. I kept going through the same street over and over again...as if I don't wanna let go but at the same time wanting to be careless. Yet I kept seeing the same thing again...
I would like to stop for awhile and clean up all the mess...I would like to have my time alone and grieve...But I haven't got the time for it, and I don't know whether I am strong enough. I can't keep on running. My eyes see them. My heart feels them. So, please, anyone, how do I nurse my heart back to health?
Is this the true calm after the storm, or am I in the eye of the storm?
And the worse thing, I don't know how I could face myself...
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