The wind was howling, the rain was beating against the window of my apartment, and for awhile I could feel the building shook. It was my first on-hand experience of a typhoon, and it was quite exciting actually.
They sent us home early today. The office made an announcement that we should go back to our houses/apartments due to the level 3 typhoon (in the Philipines, level 4 is the highest number). I saw a lot of trees fell down due to the wind along the way, some even blocked the road to our apartment. It was a good thing that there was another road that we could use to get to our apartment.
It turned out to be a lazy day. I didn't do anything much, just watched a couple of movies and played video games on my laptop. Dozed off for about an hour. The wind gave me the scare for awhile. But in the end it ended. Such a lovely day.
Too bad I didn't take pictures of the typhoon...
Not doing anything...it is such a wonderful feeling...for a day, I didn't have to worry about anything. I could just let go. It was nice.
Wasting time is such a nice thing, if done at the right time.
So, to honor today's typhoon (and the rest and the lazy day it brought along for me), I'll give you Enya's 'Lazy Days'...
Lazy old day
Rolling away
Dreaming the day away
Don't want to go
Now that I'm in the flow
Crazy amazing day
One red balloon
Floats to the moon
Just let it fly away
I only know
that I'm longing to go
Back to my lazy day
And how it sings and how it sighs
and how it never stays
And how it rings and how it cries
and how it sails away...
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
A Short Fly-Back
The thing about being an expatriate without a work permit in the Philipines is that you only have about 21 days to stay, and after that 21 days are over, you just have to go back to your home country. Something that I was looking forward to.
And the thing about my being an expatriate was that...it was quite fun actually. Never thought that I would ever call myself that.
No matter, back to my fly-back story...
It was quite a long flight from Manila to Jakarta, since the plane had to go in transit in Singapore. So a friend of mine and I planned to go back on a Thursday evening, stay overnight in Changi airport (in Singapore) and fly to Jakarta the next morning (Friday). By doing this (instead of taking a morning flight on Friday, going through only 2 hours of transit in Changi instead of a whole night), we would save time and still have a full day on Friday to take care of things.
So, was it a good plan? Hell yeah, it's the first time ever I stayed over night in an airport. And it was Changi, one of the best airport in the world. Being inside Changi was like being in a very big shopping mall. It was fun...watching all those people walking by...shopping, catching their planes, goint places...it was great being among those people. And to see the airport never actually went to sleep, always busy with people going here and there...
And of course, there's Burger King...
We stayed overnight in an airport hotel, which is quite decent. The hotel was more than what I was expecting. We made a mistake by not making a room reservation as soon as we landed in Changi. Because of that we had to wait until 2 o'clock in the morning to get our own room. But still it was a great experience...
So, in the morning we flew back to Jakarta. At the airport my mother was already waiting. How I missed her. As we went home, I told her everything I went through in Manila, all the ups and downs (mostly ups, since everything was new and exciting for me). I enjoyed every conversation we had during my fly-back.
And the next two days (Friday and Saturday) was a blur of activities:
Conversing with my mother, father and brother (how I miss my family),
going to the office to pick up and drop off a couple of things (LAN cables, fiscal reimbursement),
having conversation with colleagues at the office and asking about the latest news (Wow, lots of people have been rolled off from my previous project),
having lunch with my mother (Bakerz Inn, a nice place),
buying groceries and supplies (I needed pore packs...),
going to places with friends (showing off my NDS, and trading stories),
buying some DVDs for souvenirs (the Philipino were watching older seasons of the best series),
celebrating my brother's and father's birthdays (only 1 day difference)...
The next thing I knew, I was at the airport in Jakarta, ready to return to Manila...
It was a packed weekend. I didn't have enough time to enjoy it. Yes I did enjoy it, but it just wasn't enough. I wish I had more time with my family, my friends, and myself.
But, it was all good. It was all new. I'm alive, and what could be better than that? I'm looking forward to my next fly-back. And the time I will have won't be enough.
I miss home. I wanna go home...
This song might not really describe how I was feeling at the time I was writing this, but it's close...
'Home'
by Michael Buble
Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm
Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Babe I miss you, you know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
'Cause I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
That this is not your dream
But you always believed in me
Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home
And the thing about my being an expatriate was that...it was quite fun actually. Never thought that I would ever call myself that.
No matter, back to my fly-back story...
It was quite a long flight from Manila to Jakarta, since the plane had to go in transit in Singapore. So a friend of mine and I planned to go back on a Thursday evening, stay overnight in Changi airport (in Singapore) and fly to Jakarta the next morning (Friday). By doing this (instead of taking a morning flight on Friday, going through only 2 hours of transit in Changi instead of a whole night), we would save time and still have a full day on Friday to take care of things.
So, was it a good plan? Hell yeah, it's the first time ever I stayed over night in an airport. And it was Changi, one of the best airport in the world. Being inside Changi was like being in a very big shopping mall. It was fun...watching all those people walking by...shopping, catching their planes, goint places...it was great being among those people. And to see the airport never actually went to sleep, always busy with people going here and there...
And of course, there's Burger King...
We stayed overnight in an airport hotel, which is quite decent. The hotel was more than what I was expecting. We made a mistake by not making a room reservation as soon as we landed in Changi. Because of that we had to wait until 2 o'clock in the morning to get our own room. But still it was a great experience...
So, in the morning we flew back to Jakarta. At the airport my mother was already waiting. How I missed her. As we went home, I told her everything I went through in Manila, all the ups and downs (mostly ups, since everything was new and exciting for me). I enjoyed every conversation we had during my fly-back.
And the next two days (Friday and Saturday) was a blur of activities:
Conversing with my mother, father and brother (how I miss my family),
going to the office to pick up and drop off a couple of things (LAN cables, fiscal reimbursement),
having conversation with colleagues at the office and asking about the latest news (Wow, lots of people have been rolled off from my previous project),
having lunch with my mother (Bakerz Inn, a nice place),
buying groceries and supplies (I needed pore packs...),
going to places with friends (showing off my NDS, and trading stories),
buying some DVDs for souvenirs (the Philipino were watching older seasons of the best series),
celebrating my brother's and father's birthdays (only 1 day difference)...
The next thing I knew, I was at the airport in Jakarta, ready to return to Manila...
It was a packed weekend. I didn't have enough time to enjoy it. Yes I did enjoy it, but it just wasn't enough. I wish I had more time with my family, my friends, and myself.
But, it was all good. It was all new. I'm alive, and what could be better than that? I'm looking forward to my next fly-back. And the time I will have won't be enough.
I miss home. I wanna go home...
This song might not really describe how I was feeling at the time I was writing this, but it's close...
'Home'
by Michael Buble
Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm
Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Babe I miss you, you know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
'Cause I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
That this is not your dream
But you always believed in me
Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home
Monday, September 18, 2006
The Dance
They say that there's always a song for every occasion...
Even though only some parts of it fit the occasion, but still it's true: there's always a song for every occasion.
It had been almost a month since my last relationship ended. The wound was still there, and the pain came and went. But I was surviving, and the pain wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. That was my longest relationship ever: a year and, more or less, a month.
I knew from early on that things would be rocky, but alive I was. And being alive meant that you take risks, that you jump into that bottomless ravine called chance. I took the fall, and the bottom hit me hard. I made stupid decisions along the way, but those decisions were mine. I made mistakes along the way, but those mistakes were mine.
There were times when I looked back and I would smile, remembering all the good things and the right decisions I made. And there would also be a time when I looked back and cringe, remembering all the bad things and the wrong decisions I made. And when that happened, all the memories just came flooding in. The food she likes, the songs she listens to, the movies she watches, the perfume she's wearing...
I wish I could shed some tears, but I couldn't. I wish I have a shoulder to cry on, but I don't. I can't. I couldn't let myself to really appreciate the pain. I feel like I want to move on, but I feel guilt for wanting to move on. Oh, the guilt...
But cry, I could not...
Now, another ravine opens up, another chance is coming...I could feel it. I would like to jump, despite all the pain. Should I? Or should I nurse my wound? Or, maybe, has it healed already? Or is really another chance coming? I don't know.
Will this heart ever learns, or is it a heart's nature to yearn for pain?
Looking back, have I any regrets?
I do. But like Frank said, 'I ate it up and spit it out.'
Such wise word.
See, there's always a song for any occasion. At least one song.
Regrets, yes I do have them.
But if I were taken back in time, to that moment before I took the jump, would I do it again, or hold back knowing how it would end?
I'd do it again.
And would I be here again, in this very spot: battered, shattered and bruised?
Most likely.
For the pain?
Most likely.
It's crazy, I know. But I know that that is what I would do. I am the person I am right now because of all the things I went through. I am not proud, nor am I humbled. I JUST am.
If I'd made a different decision,
I would have missed the dance.
Ladies and Gents, 'The Dance' by Dave Koz
(I told you there will always be a song for any occasion).
Dave Koz
The Dance,
featuring BeBe Winans
(written by Tony Arata)
Looking back on the memory of
The Dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For the moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
Even though only some parts of it fit the occasion, but still it's true: there's always a song for every occasion.
It had been almost a month since my last relationship ended. The wound was still there, and the pain came and went. But I was surviving, and the pain wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. That was my longest relationship ever: a year and, more or less, a month.
I knew from early on that things would be rocky, but alive I was. And being alive meant that you take risks, that you jump into that bottomless ravine called chance. I took the fall, and the bottom hit me hard. I made stupid decisions along the way, but those decisions were mine. I made mistakes along the way, but those mistakes were mine.
There were times when I looked back and I would smile, remembering all the good things and the right decisions I made. And there would also be a time when I looked back and cringe, remembering all the bad things and the wrong decisions I made. And when that happened, all the memories just came flooding in. The food she likes, the songs she listens to, the movies she watches, the perfume she's wearing...
I wish I could shed some tears, but I couldn't. I wish I have a shoulder to cry on, but I don't. I can't. I couldn't let myself to really appreciate the pain. I feel like I want to move on, but I feel guilt for wanting to move on. Oh, the guilt...
But cry, I could not...
Now, another ravine opens up, another chance is coming...I could feel it. I would like to jump, despite all the pain. Should I? Or should I nurse my wound? Or, maybe, has it healed already? Or is really another chance coming? I don't know.
Will this heart ever learns, or is it a heart's nature to yearn for pain?
Looking back, have I any regrets?
I do. But like Frank said, 'I ate it up and spit it out.'
Such wise word.
See, there's always a song for any occasion. At least one song.
Regrets, yes I do have them.
But if I were taken back in time, to that moment before I took the jump, would I do it again, or hold back knowing how it would end?
I'd do it again.
And would I be here again, in this very spot: battered, shattered and bruised?
Most likely.
For the pain?
Most likely.
It's crazy, I know. But I know that that is what I would do. I am the person I am right now because of all the things I went through. I am not proud, nor am I humbled. I JUST am.
If I'd made a different decision,
I would have missed the dance.
Ladies and Gents, 'The Dance' by Dave Koz
(I told you there will always be a song for any occasion).
Dave Koz
The Dance,
featuring BeBe Winans
(written by Tony Arata)
Looking back on the memory of
The Dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For the moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the Dance
The dance
The dance
I would have missed the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the Dance
The dance
The dance
I would have missed the dance
'Good bye, lover of mine...you will always be remembered...'
Monday, September 11, 2006
This Reminds Me of Someone...
This song by Utada Hikaru reminds of someone I know and what that someone is going through. I guess it's blatantly clear what it's all about. This is just a crappy entry, but I couldn't help but noticed the similarities. So just read it.
Tippy Toe (by Utada Hikaru)
Every time I think about you
Heaven knows I fall into a groove
You're like a great interlude
Every time I think about your body my body says ooh ooh
Every time I think about you heaven needs a prayer
Cuz you're married and you've even got a family too
Pray that they don't hear you
Now let me see you dance on your tippy toe (ooh)
What a perfect life they think you've got, right?
Problems kept inside, look neat and organized
What you need in life is some wonder
A new friend with visions like you
Nobody has to know (Synchronize it)
Stay very close to the floor
Nobody has to know (Synchronize it)
Careful when you close the door
Nobody has to know (Synchronize it)
When we tippy toe, tippy toe (Just imagine)
My body under your body
Here we go everybody 3, 2, 1
Every time I think about you
Heaven knows I fall into a groove
You're like a great interlude
Every time I think about your body my body says ooh ooh
Every time I think about you heaven needs a prayer
Cuz you're married and you've even got a family too
Pray that they don't hear you
Now let me see you dance on your tippy toe (ooh)
When the thrill subsides, will you still be mine?
Worry infiltrates my head till I kill it
I fill it instead with improper visions of you
Nobody has to know (Synchronize it)
Stay very close to the floor
Nobody has to know (Synchronize it)
Careful when you close the door
Nobody has to know (Synchronize it)
When we tippy toe, tippy toe
Nobody has to know, body screaming MORE
On your mark set 3, 2, 1
Every time I think about you
Heaven knows I fall into a groove
You're like a great interlude
Every time I think about your body my body says ooh ooh
Every time I think about you heaven needs a prayer
Cuz you're married and you've even got a family too
Pray that they don't hear you
Now let me see you dance on your tippy toe (ooh)
Every time I think about you
Heaven knows I fall into a groove
You're like a great interlude
Every time I think about your body my body says ooh ooh
Every time I think about you heaven needs a prayer
Cuz you're married and you've even got a family too
Pray that they don't hear you
Now let me see you dance on your tippy toe (ooh)
I just hope that things turns out to be the best for both of you. If you ever stumble upon this entry, well...think about it.
Tippy Toe (by Utada Hikaru)
Every time I think about you
Heaven knows I fall into a groove
You're like a great interlude
Every time I think about your body my body says ooh ooh
Every time I think about you heaven needs a prayer
Cuz you're married and you've even got a family too
Pray that they don't hear you
Now let me see you dance on your tippy toe (ooh)
What a perfect life they think you've got, right?
Problems kept inside, look neat and organized
What you need in life is some wonder
A new friend with visions like you
Nobody has to know (Synchronize it)
Stay very close to the floor
Nobody has to know (Synchronize it)
Careful when you close the door
Nobody has to know (Synchronize it)
When we tippy toe, tippy toe (Just imagine)
My body under your body
Here we go everybody 3, 2, 1
Every time I think about you
Heaven knows I fall into a groove
You're like a great interlude
Every time I think about your body my body says ooh ooh
Every time I think about you heaven needs a prayer
Cuz you're married and you've even got a family too
Pray that they don't hear you
Now let me see you dance on your tippy toe (ooh)
When the thrill subsides, will you still be mine?
Worry infiltrates my head till I kill it
I fill it instead with improper visions of you
Nobody has to know (Synchronize it)
Stay very close to the floor
Nobody has to know (Synchronize it)
Careful when you close the door
Nobody has to know (Synchronize it)
When we tippy toe, tippy toe
Nobody has to know, body screaming MORE
On your mark set 3, 2, 1
Every time I think about you
Heaven knows I fall into a groove
You're like a great interlude
Every time I think about your body my body says ooh ooh
Every time I think about you heaven needs a prayer
Cuz you're married and you've even got a family too
Pray that they don't hear you
Now let me see you dance on your tippy toe (ooh)
Every time I think about you
Heaven knows I fall into a groove
You're like a great interlude
Every time I think about your body my body says ooh ooh
Every time I think about you heaven needs a prayer
Cuz you're married and you've even got a family too
Pray that they don't hear you
Now let me see you dance on your tippy toe (ooh)
I just hope that things turns out to be the best for both of you. If you ever stumble upon this entry, well...think about it.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
A New Beginning
"You be good, now," my mother said to me as I left her and my brother on that fine, beautiful Sunday morning. I said of course, mom, I'll be good. I smiled at her, and I gave my brother a hug and said "Take care of mom, bro. Let me know if you want anything from Manila."
I miss them already right now, and it's only been a little more than a week since that day I left for Manila. Things have been quite eventful ever since. Doing a whole different project is quite an interesting learning experience, especially an overseas project. New acquaintances, new settings, new experiences. I am blessed.
And being here, away from home, away from my past, is quite a revelation. Eventhough the anchor that holds me to my past has not completely been lifted,
"Now I know everything depends on your Mom."
But, yeah, a time away from it all is what I need. Time to rethink all the right things I did, and all the mistakes I've made. It would really be nice if I could just walk forward, forget the past and embrace the present. But right now, the past clings on and I let it cling on me.
"How could you do this to me?"
My mother would really love it here. I'm thinking of taking her to that church with the huge tabernakel (I haven't seen it myself, but I heard from a friend). Especially since she is fond of everything that has got to do with her religion. I think I will have to arrange a time for her to come here. It would really be nice to have her here.
"I don't love you anymore."
Once again, I have my own personal space. And it's a good thing, especially since I live in a very crowded place. It's not because there is a lot of people, but because it's a very small place.
Manila, it's like going back in time. The place does reminds me of Jakarta, but I couldn't put a finger on what's wrong until a friend of mine said that it's like Jakarta in the eighties. She's right...it's like I've gone back in time. The buildings and the roads, it's just sort give off that kind of vibe.
"We can't be friends."
This morning I went to church, and as I was sitting there I was reminded of who I was. And that person, the one in the past tense, still exists in the present tense. But it's been sleeping all along. And that realization reminded me of an old friend. A very good friend. A brother, and a father. He's been with me all along, through good times and bad times. Even though I don't keep in touch with him all the time, but we understand each other perfectly. And, my friend (you know who you are), thanks for everything. You're a very good friend and I'm lucky that you are. My friend. I'll try and pay you a visit whenever I can.
"..."
I miss them already right now, and it's only been a little more than a week since that day I left for Manila. Things have been quite eventful ever since. Doing a whole different project is quite an interesting learning experience, especially an overseas project. New acquaintances, new settings, new experiences. I am blessed.
And being here, away from home, away from my past, is quite a revelation. Eventhough the anchor that holds me to my past has not completely been lifted,
"Now I know everything depends on your Mom."
But, yeah, a time away from it all is what I need. Time to rethink all the right things I did, and all the mistakes I've made. It would really be nice if I could just walk forward, forget the past and embrace the present. But right now, the past clings on and I let it cling on me.
"How could you do this to me?"
My mother would really love it here. I'm thinking of taking her to that church with the huge tabernakel (I haven't seen it myself, but I heard from a friend). Especially since she is fond of everything that has got to do with her religion. I think I will have to arrange a time for her to come here. It would really be nice to have her here.
"I don't love you anymore."
Once again, I have my own personal space. And it's a good thing, especially since I live in a very crowded place. It's not because there is a lot of people, but because it's a very small place.
Manila, it's like going back in time. The place does reminds me of Jakarta, but I couldn't put a finger on what's wrong until a friend of mine said that it's like Jakarta in the eighties. She's right...it's like I've gone back in time. The buildings and the roads, it's just sort give off that kind of vibe.
"We can't be friends."
This morning I went to church, and as I was sitting there I was reminded of who I was. And that person, the one in the past tense, still exists in the present tense. But it's been sleeping all along. And that realization reminded me of an old friend. A very good friend. A brother, and a father. He's been with me all along, through good times and bad times. Even though I don't keep in touch with him all the time, but we understand each other perfectly. And, my friend (you know who you are), thanks for everything. You're a very good friend and I'm lucky that you are. My friend. I'll try and pay you a visit whenever I can.
"..."
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