The Dance

They say that there's always a song for every occasion...

Even though only some parts of it fit the occasion, but still it's true: there's always a song for every occasion.

It had been almost a month since my last relationship ended. The wound was still there, and the pain came and went. But I was surviving, and the pain wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. That was my longest relationship ever: a year and, more or less, a month.

I knew from early on that things would be rocky, but alive I was. And being alive meant that you take risks, that you jump into that bottomless ravine called chance. I took the fall, and the bottom hit me hard. I made stupid decisions along the way, but those decisions were mine. I made mistakes along the way, but those mistakes were mine.

There were times when I looked back and I would smile, remembering all the good things and the right decisions I made. And there would also be a time when I looked back and cringe, remembering all the bad things and the wrong decisions I made. And when that happened, all the memories just came flooding in. The food she likes, the songs she listens to, the movies she watches, the perfume she's wearing...

I wish I could shed some tears, but I couldn't. I wish I have a shoulder to cry on, but I don't. I can't. I couldn't let myself to really appreciate the pain. I feel like I want to move on, but I feel guilt for wanting to move on. Oh, the guilt...

But cry, I could not...

Now, another ravine opens up, another chance is coming...I could feel it. I would like to jump, despite all the pain. Should I? Or should I nurse my wound? Or, maybe, has it healed already? Or is really another chance coming? I don't know.

Will this heart ever learns, or is it a heart's nature to yearn for pain?

Looking back, have I any regrets?
I do. But like Frank said, 'I ate it up and spit it out.'

Such wise word.

See, there's always a song for any occasion. At least one song.

Regrets, yes I do have them.
But if I were taken back in time, to that moment before I took the jump, would I do it again, or hold back knowing how it would end?

I'd do it again.
And would I be here again, in this very spot: battered, shattered and bruised?
Most likely.
For the pain?
Most likely.
It's crazy, I know. But I know that that is what I would do. I am the person I am right now because of all the things I went through. I am not proud, nor am I humbled. I JUST am.

If I'd made a different decision,

I would have missed the dance.

Ladies and Gents, 'The Dance' by Dave Koz
(I told you there will always be a song for any occasion).


Dave Koz
The Dance,
featuring BeBe Winans
(written by Tony Arata)

Looking back on the memory of
The Dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For the moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the Dance
The dance
The dance
I would have missed the dance

Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the Dance
The dance
The dance
I would have missed the dance

'Good bye, lover of mine...you will always be remembered...'