Good Bye, Manila.

It sort of sucks to realize that you really miss something after it's gone for 3 months.

It came unexpectedly. Was on a casual conversation with a colleague when he asked about my previous assignment. I started talking about how it was, and found myself uncomfortably silent after finishing my story. All the images of the places I've been to and the people I know rushed through my mind, and I felt a heavy weight over my heart.

For the next couple of days focusing on work was quite a feat. My mind would wander through the memories I have of the place I called home for 2 years. Tears came, and keeping them in check was not easy. I exchange messages to my driver in the Philippines, and pour my heart out to some close friends. I felt a sort of tugging in my chest and a bit of labored breathing, the kind that you feel when you're about to cry like a baby. But I could not let go. Not at work, at least.

What is it about the Philippines that I love? I remember having some reservations about the place the first time I got there. About how old and run-down the buildings looked, how empty and quiet the streets were on weekends. But over time, it grew on me. The deserted sidewalks (on weekends), the busy traffic (so unlike Jakarta's which lies on the extreme end of hectic), the malls just across the street from my apartment, the company of people I lived (and worked) with (amazing set of people), the sunny blue skies and the beautiful beaches (Batanes, oh Batanes...when will I see your rolling hills and your rocky seas again...).

I used to compare Manila to Jakarta and found that Jakarta's much more developed. The roads there were half the size of what you usually see here, the buildings were older than Jakarta's shiny new office buildings. But overtime I started appreciate the fact that even though the buildings were old they were well-maintained. The roads might have only half the size, but there were less cars which means less traffic jam and less stress. The drivers were not honkers, unlike Jakarta drivers who pretty much connect their honkers to the brake pedals.

And there were the blue skies and the white sandy beaches. I don't want to get started on these. Labored breathing and the tugging, I couldn't take it for the time being.

The place wouldn't mean much if not for the people there and the things that I learned and experienced. These people taught me a lot of things and played a big part in making my experience in the Philippines unforgettable. And if I didn't seem to elaborate more on this, it's just the fact that there's so much I could say that this one entry will become too long if I do so. These people were something (such an understatement...).

Last but not least, I had my own space, and people left me alone when I wanna be alone. A privilege I rarely acquired back in Jakarta.

As I was packing my stuff and getting ready to leave Singapore after staying there for an assignment for 2 weeks, a familiar feeling like a deep sadness came over me. The sight of an open luggage half-filled with clothes and toiletries reminded me of the sadness that usually came over me whenever it is time for me to leave a place that I've grown accustomed to. I felt it when I had to leave Manila for the US back in '07. I felt it again when I had to leave the US back to Manila. And I tried to suppress it (and still does up until now) when it was time for me to finally leave Manila for good (it had been 3 months since then...and yet it felt like yesterday). I will always dread the sight of that half-filled luggage for the rest of my life.

I guess I have been running away and trying to fool myself. Running away from saying good bye, and fooling myself by thinking that it's not over. Not yet.

Fortunately, I was not alone. Most of the people I knew who went to the Philippines during those time felt the same way. They missed the place, and would from time to time reminisce about our time there. The good ol' Manila days. At the very least I could take comfort from this and treasure the moments we shared together and the bond the we created during those time.

But, as a friend puts it, "It's never coming back. There will never be such time again. But boy was it good."

And so, it's over.

With a heavy heart, I must admit that it is time to say,

Good bye, Manila, and good bye Project Olympic.
You are one among my many memories that make me glad to be alive.