Homesick...

It's one of those time when I found a song for the occasion and everything about it just took the words out of my mouth.

It's Michael Buble's "Home".

"Home"

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Diamonds are Forever...Bloodied

Movie Review

Title:
Blood Diamond

Director:
Edward Zwick

Casts:
Leonardo DiCaprio, Djimon Hounsou, Jennifer Connelly

Writers:
Charles Leavitt


Solomon Vandy (Hounsou) is a fisherman who lived with his wife and son in one of the fishing villages in Africa (Sierra Leone, I think). He led an ordinary life (for a fisherman, at least) until one day a rebel army came to his village to pillage, plunder, and slaughter some of the villagers. The survivors, including Vandy, were turned into slaves to work in one of the diamond mines. One day he found a rare pink diamond and managed to hide it before he got caught by the government army who mistaken him as a member of the rebel's army.

A mercenary named Danny Archer (DiCaprio) overheard about the pink diamond, and stroke a deal with Vandy. Archer would help Vandy in finding his family in exchange for the pink diamond. Along the way, a journalist named Maddy Bowen (Connelly) came along to help them on their search, and escape from the hell that the country had become.

So, they all went to search for the pink diamond, but for different reasons. A mercenary trying to find a way to get out of Africa, a fisherman looking for his wife and son, and a journalist looking for the truth.

'Blood Diamond' is an entertaining enough movie. Story-wise, the movie brought forth a lot of issues like child-soldiers and conflict diamonds, among others. Acting is okay, the spotlight is on Hounsou. DiCaprio, in my opinion, is not convincing enough. Maybe it's just his voice, he doesn't sound like a gruff, weathered mercenary. Connelly's was okay enough.

One thing about this movie strikes me the most though: it can get a bit preachy at times and it wasn't even subtle about it. This is so blatantly apparent in some of the scenes. It's not a bad thing, really. It's just that I like movies whose stories are more objective and let the audience decide whatever they want to think about them. 'Blood Diamond' seemed set to tell the audience how they should think about the matters raised in the movie's story. Nonetheless, the points brought forth are worth thinking about, and I tend to agree with the opinion that this movie is bent on making. Let's just say that it made me think twice about buying diamonds.

With that said, it's an entertaining movie, with highlights on the storyline and Hounsou's performance. I'd say wait for the DVD, because visual and audio-wise, there's not enough reason to see it on the big screen.

The Long-Awaited Flyback

Getting a ticket from Manila to Singapore on the weekend during the earlier weeks of January 2007 was a pain in the ass. January 11th? Sorry, fully booked. January 18th? Too late, overbooked. All thanks to those balikbayans going back to wherever country it is they're working in after spending their Christmas holiday in the Philippines (and they all transit in Singapore). For those of you who do not know what a balikbayan is, it's basically Philippino overseas worker. Thus my flyback was postponed twice before finally getting a ticket for January 26th. The good thing was that I was not the only one going back to Jakarta on that January 26th afternoon.

When the day came, we were supposed to leave at 11:30. Even though the flight was at 14:20, some folks warned us to leave earlier. The airport had been packed with balikbayans lately, and this spelled longer line and longer waiting time. However, thanks to a certain workaholic woman, we left a bit later than that. Fuming, I actually had to leave her with a friend because she wouldn't budge. And it was a bit of an ego injury when the car they were riding in caught up with my car. Later, it would prove that it was better that way, because some almost didn't get on the plane (the gate to the plane was closed, and they actually had to force the crew to let them in). If they have left in the car I was in (whose driver was so slow in driving), they might have missed the plane. I was lucky that I already had a work permit. This allowed me to go through the express lane in the immigration section.

Despite the almost-unfortunate incident, we were finally on our way back to Jakarta. The transit in Singapore's Changi was quite short. Unlike my previous flybacks, which was usually on Thursday evenings, this time we went on a Friday afternoon. We didn't have to stay overnight in Changi, which translates to shorter transit time (we only got less than an hour before our connecting flight boarded). Due to the short stop-over, only one of us got the chance to shop, and she only got one bottle of perfume. I didn't mind, as long as I get to arrive in Jakarta sooner. And Jakarta soon loomed ahead.

One thing that I think worth mentioning about the whole trip from Manila to Jakarta is that the landing in Singapore's Changi was very smooth, despite the bad weather. I must say that it was the best landing I've ever experienced. Hats off to the pilot.

Arrived in Jakarta safe and sound. Had to drop off a couple of friends before finally arriving at home sweet home. Gave mom a big hug, and I finally got to meet Lady Fita, the newest addition to our family. She's a very cute puppy, with a playful and friendly personality. A good match for my other dog, whose personality is almost similar. Dingo, you finally have a friend to play with!

The next couple of hours was spent talking to members of my immediate family: mom, dad, and my brother. Spent time with Lady also, getting to know her better. The ice-breaking session with her was broken up in intervals, thanks to Dingo meddling around. But it was fun watching them playing with each other. Dogs, in my opinion, are probably the happiest creatures in this world. Spent a long time on the phone also, catching up with an old friend, DD. Glad to know that you have been doing well in your new environment and circumstances. Here's wishing all the best for you.

Saturday morning was a blast. I sat at my home's porch with mom, watching Dingo duke it out with Lady. They kept on playing and playing and playing, it was amazing that they had so much energy. Dogs are always fun to watch and play with. Went to TA in the afternoon with mom and brother, trying out a new sushi restaurant there and buying a couple of new stuff (cargo pants, formal pants, etc.).

My memory has failed me beyond this point. All I could remember was meeting a good friend of mine, MK, treat him out to a dinner, had a stroll in his car and FINALLY took a picture of that mysterious door near Harmoni intersection. The next day, if my memory serves me correctly, I went out with a good friend, VN, saw 'Blood Diamond' (great movie, by the way), got tons of CDs from her, and caught up with HN and PI.

Finally, Monday came, and fly back to Manila I must. Changi airport is always a welcome sight, and a great place to shop. I think I got myself a couple of books. And, as always, finally Manila came into sight. I could not really say that it has become my second home, but all I could say is that there is where I reside for now.

Ah, if you notice the narration, I spent a lot of time explaining the earlier part, during the flight. Fly-backs are always hectic. But one of the fun part is always during the anticipation, the waiting, the journey. Hopping from one airport to another is always fun. In previous periods of my life, I wouldn't even dare dream that I would be able to do so. I thought that I would always be stuck in Jakarta, Indonesia. The world felt closed to me, and the only window that I could use to see the outside world was from books and magazines.

At times, it felt surreal, travelling. But, it was real. And I was enjoying it and still am. It's great to travel. And it broaden up my mind. My advice (and heed it, since I don't usually give advices, they're dangerous double-edged swords), whenever you can, travel. The world is small, but it has so many different things to offer. And they will open up your mind. They did me. The world is my home.

A Resting Place Under the Blue Sky

The sound of a cellphone ringing and Do talking stirred my sleep early that Saturday morning on January 20th. I have only been asleep for less than 2 hours that morning, and thus I was not deep in slumber, making waking up a not-so troublesome affair for me during that time. Even though I couldn't listen to the conversation on the other line, but from Do's reply I knew it was Bob and I knew he was looking for me.

Not wanting to make him wait for me for too long, I stood up from the bed and put on my clothes. Took my digital camera with me and went down to the apartment's lobby. Yes, without taking a bath. Anyways, we were going to a cemetery for a photo hunting session. How neat must I look, right?

It was not long until we were in the car on our way to the cemetery. Got lost along the way, but we finally found what we were looking for. The first cemetery we visited was a Chinese cemetery. Something that you must know when visualizing this Chinese cemetery is that it was not just a big lot/space allocated for burials, but the place looks more like a real estate. There were roads big enough for cars to pass by. It also seems that the Philippino chinese have a sense of grandeur, for they do not bury their dead in a mere grave, but they inter them in tombs large enough to be houses. One family even buried their loved one and erected a more-or-less 10 meters monumental tower on top of the grave.

It was the perfect day, and the perfect time of day. That early Saturday morning provided us with an almost clear blue sky with only a hint of cloud, which helped set the mood to a sort of ethereal calm. Quite a fitting atmosphere for a resting place under the blue sky.

We managed to take some pictures from the Chinese cemetery. We didn't stay there for long, however, since the leader of the group, HL, were more interested in taking pictures of people. And to find more people (alive, that is), the Chinese cemetery was not the right place since it was too quiet and there were not many people lingering there except for a few morning joggers and some tomb caretakers. These pictures below are those that I managed to snap before moving on to the other cemetery.

...A Sense of Grandeur ...
(one of the tombs in the Chinese Cemetery)

...Angel of Dawn...
(A Statue of an Angel on top of one of the tombs)

...Watching Over Those Who Rests...
(the more-or-less 10 meter monumental tower-slash-tomb)

...Spirit Cloud Rising Up to Heaven...
(Damn it was a really calm and beautiful morning, with a beautiful blue sky and only a small hint of clouds...)

It was not a long drive to get to the other cemetery (which name was Manila North Cemetery, if I'm not mistaken...have to confirm this). It was practically next door. Manila North(?) was a much bigger cemetery, however it did not have the same sense of grandeur and not as aesthetically pleasing as the Chinese cemetery. While Chinese cemetery had more tombs, Manila North had mostly graves instead of tombs. And the tombs in Manila North were not as big and grand as the ones we found in the Chinese cemetery. However, it was here that I found out why HL preferred to go there instead of the Chinese cemetery.

There were more people there. They're not mourners, they didn't go there to pay a visit to the dead. They were there because they live there. They were the homeless. During my visit there, this was one of the prominent musings that came up in my mind (well, aside from trying to snap some pretty moments): in short, it was just one of the maladies of developing countries. A large gap between the rich and the poor. The rich were rich enough to afford grand tombs, some were even as big as a small house, and the poor were so dirt poor that they opt to live inside these tombs. Even the poor in my home country avoided living in cemeteries due to some intangible reasons.

I am quite sensitive, spiritually, but the strange thing was that I did not feel as much malice and restlessness as I usually do whenever I visited cemeteries back home in Indonesia. Come to think of it, maybe it was because I was among many of the livings in Manila North. The place really felt like a , a poor one albeit, but still it had the feel. Nonetheless, this brought me to my point that the whole complex was pretty much habitable. Indeed, I even found one tomb occupied by a family of homeless and they even put up a TV. It even had an excellent signal reception. Incredible. Later on I would also found out that many had been living there ever since the day they were born.

It was also amusing and strangely heart-warming, looking at HL taking pictures of the faces of the people who inhabit Manila North. He would ask their names, how they were doing, ask about their families, their lives. In a personal level, it's a good thing, and from a photography point of view (and in my own humble opinion) it's a good method in bringing out the best expressions out of people. It makes them feel at ease with you. And when that golden moment come, all you have to do is to just snap away.

The whole experience was peaceful and grand, and what I remembered most was the blue sky and the resting place under it.

These are some of the pictures I took in Manila North.

...Not Leaving...
(some of the inhabitants of Manila North Cemetery)

...In Death Bloomed...
(there are so many of these flowers in graveyards and cemeteries...)

...A Peaceful Dawn...
(It was a very peaceful morning...)

Weekend Sleep-Over

It had been quite a tiring week indeed, last week. I went home at around 9 o'clock (at least) during most of the days of that week, thanks to a lot of issues to solve and a lot of tasks to be done. And, well, I wasn't the only one though. I think it was quite a tiring week for most of my team members in the big, loving family of DC. I was fast becoming a workaholic that even CK's given up on teasing me and calling me 'workaholic' just to coax me to going home early. Now she just walked pass my cube not saying a word knowing there was no use. Sorta miss the teasing, though.

Thank God that things had been getting very interesting thanks to the coming of more people from Jakarta office. The addition of Do, Pil, Awing, Bob, Haram, and Mul has been a very refreshing turn of event. At least then I wouldn't have to worry about having to hang out with a girl all-star squad most of the time. I was afraid that I would have to start wearing skirts if I continue being a guest star of that squad. Moreover, I wouldn't have to worry about talking in English most of the time. It's not that I couldn't speak proper English, mind you, it's just that when I talk or make jokes in English, most of the people here are not so fast in 'getting it'. But talking in Indonesia and making Indonesian-flavored jokes are so...welcomed. People here are such sissies when it comes to jokes. Even the guys. God.

Ahhh, thank you God. You always know what I need.

Thus, I welcomed with arms wide open Do's and Pil's idea of having a sleepover on Friday night. We left the office early that day, with me going back to my own apartment first to catch a quick nap to calm my tempter down a bit. Nearly bitten a girl's head off during the day, thanks to an incident involving an ice cream party and two other girls giggling behind my back. Yes, folks, lack of sleep make Hulk unhappy. Hulk unhappy not good for you. You see green. You don't want to make Hulk angry. You won't like Hulk when Hulk angry. And don't give Hulk puppy eyes. Hulk got enough of puppy eyes. Hulk crush puppy eyes.

Anyways,

Yeah, after that quick evening nap, I finally get my ass off my bed and walked off to Do's place. Took only 10 minutes to get there. And when I got there, almost everyone was there. There was even a member of the opposite sex, Put, one of the new additions from Jakarta office. Our (most of the time) permanent guest star.

Alright, when I said 'we', the people I'm talking about are: Dod, the de facto leader of the pack...sort of...the calm, serene, thoughtful guy who emanates wisdom,...

...not. Don't be fooled by his calm face, people, the guy has a lot of mischief in his head. He's just good at hiding it. And don't get him started talking bout Pil. I used to think that the guy is quiet, talk only at times. Well, he still does, but turns out that he could be quite a funny guy, and got a lot of funny ideas inside his head. Especially when it comes to Pil and some of his 'obsessions'.

Talkin' bout funny brings us to Pil. Pil's practically everyone's 'punching bag' when it comes to jokes. In other words, he's the butt of jokes. Gay jokes, lesbian jokes, sex jokes, jokes relating to the girls he has a thing for, you name it. You don't often get to see Dod making fun of someone and actually enjoying every second of it. And, in Dod's own words, putting Bob, Pil and Yayang in the same room provides a level of entertainment this project badly needs. But, really, we all agree that Pil has quite a good music taste and well, as for me personally, I find that most of his advices really worth the trouble listening to. We agree on most things.

Awing is the 'ninja' of the group. At one time he would be sitting together with us, talking, laughing, and getting laughed at for being the target of a certain lonely lady's (or two ladies') affections (the dumb-founded expression on his face is priceless). But later on, after we finished talking, we would suddenly realized that he's gone MIA. He's even better than a ninja. Ninjas usually use smoke. He doesn't. But he would later on return with his special technique called 'storm-bringer'. It's just a cool lingo for him bringing in 'breaking news'. Examples: "Shit, guys, I just lost a hundred bucks in my room! Somebody must have took it!" or "Shit, guys, I just lost a thousand pesos in my room! Somebody must have took it!" (notice the pattern here?). But of course these are just a few examples of the news he would bring in with him. It's just that his luck hasn't been so good lately. But that doesn't affect his ninja-disappearing act or his 'storm-bringer' jujitsu technique. Woosh!

Man, all of this bad mojo...ya gotta need a balance, right? That's where Mul comes in. Mul is the smartest among us, academically. He's also the nicest among us. Mul has a sincere and positive disposition towards everything and everyone. He gets along fine with anything that comes his way. Naive and nice (sometimes to the point of irritation), don't we all started that way? Or is it just me? That's why we're quite protective when it comes to him. We would call him up whenever he's still not back at the apartment at 2 a.m. in the morning, thanks to the workload he has in his hands right now. It is also worth mentioning that when it comes to Pil and Mul, it's like watching a comedy show with duo comedians. Mul would be the straight guy and Pil would deliver the punch lines. Oh yeah, learned a trick or two on how to iron my own tees from him. Thanks a lot for that, Mul!

Bob and Haram are guest stars to our own little group. Planning to convert Bob to full-time member, but not too sure about Haram because he seems to have his own little world most of the time. However, that's what makes him so funny. We encountered priceless Haram moments during most of our hang-out times, too bad that we didn't have our cameras with us at those times. The guy can be so gullible. But he's a good and funny guy. An entertainer in his own ways.

Put is the princess among the princes, a sugar cube in a really bitter coffee, the sweet among the sour, and so on and so forth. As is the case with Mul and Pil, in the usual comedy set up, she would play the straight guy (girl, in this case) and us guys would be the delivering the punch lines (with most being targeted at Pil). Though at times she would left early (1 o'clock in the morning is considered early for us), it's nice to have her around whenever we guys hang out.

So, that's the cast roll. And now to the main event: the Friday night sleep-over! (I'm so making it sound like a pajama party, but what the heck...). We didn't actually do anything much, really, all we did was went to the 711 across the road, get ourselves some bottles of Coke, a few packs of cigarettes, and talk until around 4 o'clock in the morning. Around 1 o'clock a new guest star came (we had to pick her up, though). Well, let's just say that now we have 2 princesses among the princes, 2 sugar cubes in a really bitter coffee, 2 sweets among the sour, and so on and so forth. It was fun.

Thus, the main event was 'talk'. We practically had what we call 'guys talk'. It's our way of saying that we gossiped, but gossiped is such a sissy word that I had to change it to 'guys talk'. But really, it's almost the same thing, but 'guys talk' is sometime laced with more dirty words and obsceneties. The one we had that Friday night was tame though, but still it was 'guys talk', and we practically 'guys-talked' almost everyone involved in our current project (we try not to be too vulgar because of the 2 princesses, sugar cubes, sweets, so on so forth). We talked about the men, the women, and those that are in between (wink wink hint hint). We finally retired to our beds at around 4 o'clock.

I only had 2 hours worth of sleep before I had to wake up. Bob, I, and several people are going for an early morning photo hunting session in Manila North Cemetery. I don't exactly count myself among these professional photographer-wannabes, but I would like to see what it's like there in the cemetery. My only equipment was a point-and-shoot Canon Ixus 65. It was good enough for me, for now at least.

I'm going to elaborate more in a different entry regarding the photo hunting session. It was quite an interesting session, in many ways than one.

I spent the latter part of that Saturday running around trying to find something that my mom wanted me to find for her friend, and returned empty-handed thanks to lack of information. The disappointment was remedied by a visit to the bookstore in Greenhill. Didn't really buy any books, but it helped lift my mood a bit. Dinner was a so-so affair, I went with the guys again to an area we dubbed 'the bandit's nest' ('sarang penyamun') due to reasons that are quite obvious: it's the red light district. Mind you, we didn't do anything...'bad', we just went to the KFC there. And we had one of the princess with us. The sugar cube in a cup of bitter coffee, bla bla bla yada yada yada.

There's another 'guys talk' session in the night, but it was not as good as the night before as we've ran out of topics for conversation. Everyone was also tired, especially me due to my lack of sleep during the previous day.

There was nothing special on Sunday. It was only Church, and spending the rest of the afternoon at Do's place finishing a game (which reviews will be coming out in the near future). There was to be a birthday party in the evening, and everyone must contribute food. We weren't really feeling up to it, but finally when the time came we managed to haul our lazy asses off the bed (or couches, or floor, or whatever) and went to the apartment where the birthday party was supposed to be.

Free food always contribute to more fun. Well, it wasn't exactly free since we had to contribute some ice and water, but still, food and party are always considered fun factors. And so, the event was, for lack of a better word, eventful. We laughed, we ate, we talked, we listened, we played and finally we left.

Shows you how much Sunday was a drag...

An honorable mention though: Pil getting caught by CS as we were about to leave the party as he was afraid CS was going to make him drunk again. Didn't happen, but it gave him quite a scare.

Overall, it has been quite a fun weekend, even though the highlight was only on Saturday night's gossip session. And I badly needed it thanks to my fly-back having been canceled for so many times. It was fun, guys, and I believe there will be many more of those sessions coming in the future. Even though we were only talking non-sense, but hanging out together sure is fun.

Goodbye, Dear Godmother...(A Tribute)

She was our house maid. She was a 'babu', as she would often called herself. She had been there even before I arrived in this world. She had been working with our family even before my mother got married. She served my family with sweat, tears and at times, blood. There was a period of time, however, when she went to the service of one of my mother's aunt. It did not last long. She went back to us, citing awful treatment. She then stayed on with us, loyal until the day she died. She was, in the end, a true member of our family.

This woman wasn't blood-related to me, yes, but I might as well had called her my second mother. She would be my replacement mother whenever my real mother was not around. She would soothe and calm me or my mother whenever we were having one of our arguments, in the end reconciling our differences. She would oft times listen to my troubles, even though I suspect that she might not fully understand the true meanings of my words. But at the very least, she was there. And she was sincere.

She would be the second person who knew everything about me: how I was born; my childish habits; my first, and a subsequent, head wound that net me two stitches on the scalp of my head; my true personality at home; and (almost) all the secrets to my family life. And knowing this, she guided me with advices. She was the second person whose advices I truly listened to (or force myself to listen to), no matter how cliche they were. I must say that it was quite a feat for her, knowing how hard-headed I could be most of the time.

She would also be one of the few persons who understands my mother the most: her personal life; her taking care of me and my brother; her true personality; her temper; her life's many hardships; and her life's many secrets, many of which I still don't know and might never will. She happened to be the one of the few persons whose advice my mother listened to. Again, quite a feat for someone whose daily work was only being a house maid.

It would seem as if I were everything to her. But I know where her true loyalty lies. And often times I suspected that her caring for me was only a mere extension to that loyalty. However, no matter where that loyalty lies, I have benefited greatly, mentally and physically, from that loyalty and I know that I should be grateful for that.

I had better.

I must confess, that I don't treat her the way I should at times. It was that master-servant mentality that took over most of my dealings with her. But after the fit subsided, I would look and realize that this woman had been with us since...forever. She had taken good care of me and my family. And whenever I felt that I had done her wrong, I would come to her personally, look her in the eyes, and apologize from my heart. My apologies, the true and honest one, the ones that come from throwing my pride away, come rarely. But the ones I gave her were always of that kind.

Swallowing one's pride is never an easy thing.

Like any person one meets in life, she wasn't perfect. She had her failings. It seemed that the women in my immediate family were riddled with quite short fuses. She often had her fits of anger and I could see it in her eye (she lost one of her eyes to a sickness) when the 'madness' took her. She would not do her chores, and she would often spit out loud, sharp words that would truly hurt even my father, who often didn't give a damn about what people say. The only member of our family who could stand her bickering and her sharp words is our dog. It may sound funny, indeed, but I highly suspect that that dog is the only soul who knows her true self and love her for who she really was. And in any case, she was the one who fed him.

Only later would I suspect what made her came about that behavior of hers. I am still unsure, but my suspicion of the cause of her behavior would cast a good light on her. I prefer it that way.

Have you ever have that feeling, that certainty, that the people close to you, your family and friends, would live forever? Well, prepare to be really disappointed: they won't. Life goes on, and life will teach you that the people you are close won't be around forever. Life would took them away, sometimes so abrupt that you won't have time to say good bye to them. To apologize. To say how much you appreciate them. To say how much you hated their guts at times. To say how much you love them.

That was not the case with her. Her passing from this world had been too slow and painful. We found out about her cancer when it was too late. We suspect that her sickness had been eating her body away for quite awhile (thus the cause of my suspicion on her behavior). My mother did not want her to go through all that chemotherapy mumbo jumbo, knowing that it would not help and would only prolong her suffering. And thus, the Sickness took her from us little by little, as her life faded away into the Unknown.

Her soul, the person we knew, was lost to us long before her body failed her. I considered her lost the day she looked for me twice while I was sitting right in front of her. Mother and I grieved for her long before she passed away.

The day her body shut down was uneventful. My mother told me about it over the phone. Her immediate family back in her hometown was the one who took care of her. She did not have any husband or children of her own. I was her child. Her god-child. And my mother her sister.

I would have thought that life without her would be different, hard-like. Yet it seemed strange, that the passing of someone you were so used to having around in your life felt so natural. Or...is it just I who don't give much of a damn? Whatever it is, life goes on. And so do I. The dead pass away, but their immortality lies in our memories of them. Thus her spirit will always be with me, and with the people whose lives I touch. This I believe.

So, farewell dear Godmother...
O, Guardian of our family's life and secrets,
May God find you true peace and happiness...

This is a final tribute from me to you.


The sun was shining bright outside the school. The sky was blue with only a little hint of cloud. The sound of children's laughter was ringing in the air, a sign that school was over. It was a good day, a beautiful day, a day none like the other day. But, what have we here? Oh, dear me! There was a little boy in the corner, crying, while his friends were laughing and jumping and playing about the schoolyard. School is over, school is over, so happy are we, can't wait to flee, the children would sing and laugh. But not the little boy, however. Away from the others, he was holding onto the schoolyard fence and sobbing, such a sad little boy. I want to go home, said the little boy, where is she? Where could she be, cried the little boy.

One by one the other children went home, and so the schoolyard grew quiet but for the sobbing of the poor little boy. Oh, poor me, poor me, no one came to pick me, sobbed the little boy. Even the sweet words of the teacher telling him that, your parents will be here soon, dear, now will you be a good boy and come sit with me, could not ease his worries. And when it seemed that all hope was lost for the little boy, when he felt the world was not a safe place for him to be, the school's front door opened and came barging in a lady with quite a heavy built.

Oh, dear child, stop crying! So sorry am I to have come at so late a time! Come, come, stop your crying! I will take you home with no delay, and I will make you the most delicious food you have ever tasted. Come now, you will meet your mother soon enough, dear child. Now smile for me, will you not?

And the (now) happy little boy smiled. He knew that he was safe. He knew he was coming home. It was a bright day, with blue skies, and it was filled with a boy's laughter.

In loving memories of Yati (19?? - 2006)
(She never knew her date of birth)

Need to Get the Poison Out...

Yes, it's another 'song for the occasion' (a. k. a. filler post), though the occasion has passed for quite some time. But I just heard this song and it struck me hard.

I only wanted you to feel
How I thought you deserved to feel
The way you always said you wanted to
You wanted all we have to be real
And every word we say to be true
Still after all I gave, it's not enough for you

Well I can't give anymore
So now I'm giving up
'Cause nothing's ever good enough
The more I try to pour
The less I fill your cup
'Cause nothing's ever good enough

I only wanted you to see
That you can be who you wanted to be
And fill the lonely void inside of you
I gave you evertyhing that you need
Did what you always wanted to do
Still after all I've doneI can't get through

Well I can't give anymore
So now I'm giving up
'Cause nothing's ever good enough
The more I try to pour
The less I fill your cup
'Cause nothing's ever good enough

Good enough

I've wasted my time
Go find someone else

Well I can't give anymore
So now I'm giving up
'Cause nothing's ever good enough
The more I try to pour
The less I fill your cup
'Cause nothing's ever good enough

Enough

Enough

Good Enough
By Hoobastank

A Colorful and Loud New Year's Eve

I never thought that my New Year's Eve here in Manila can turn out to be quite interesting. It started out a bit boring, really. I'd been spending my time at a friend's apartment, enjoying the hospitality of his PlayStation2 while he was away. The game 'Okami' had me hooked for awhile now (as always, a review after I have finished the game), and that was what I'd been playing for several days. When I wasn't playing, another friend of mine would use the PS2 to play Final Fantasy XII.

We were playing the whole afternoon on that December 31st 2006, then took quite a long nap. Around 7 in the evening, we woke up and decided to walk around Makati to see what festivities they have. We have been eyeing all the firework canons lined up in front of my apartment, and we had a strong hunch that they will fire it up at midnight...like duh, it's New Year's eve.

There were many people and lots of food stall at the intersection where they have Ninoy Aquino's statue. There was also a huge stage there. The singers were not so good, and the food, well the food was okay. But since most of them are made of pork and my friend is a Muslim, we decided to go somewhere else to have our dinner. After quite a long walk (and almost getting hit by an unfriendly taxi at an intersection), we ended up at a Pizza Hut near (well, not so near actually) my friend's apartment.

We went back to the intersection only to find more people yet only a so-so entertainment. About 45 minutes before midnight we decided to go to Makati Av., the road in front of my apartment. We waited anxiously for the fireworks, and after waiting for awhile, the first firework exploded in hues of white and red.

It was probably the best display of firework I've ever seen, right in front of my eyes. I was practically only 15-20 meters away from the stack of fireworks, sitting on the asphalt road, feeling like watching a movie while sitting in the front-most row seat. It felt great! Really great! Colors and deafening sounds exploding only 30 meters above me, showering down like rain of light on a cloudless, moon-lit night. The explotions lasted at least for 25 minutes, with the finale a barrage of red, white, green and blue lasting for more than a minute.

Everyone was clapping when the last firework explosion died down, and I was still sitting on the asphalt road of Makati Avenue, speechless. It was beautiful, and the best part was that I wasn't expecting anything so awe-inspiring happening right in front of my apartment. And unexpected New Year's gift. I know no matter how many words I put down in this entry, nothing could replace that moment in time. Front row (asphalt) seat, colors and sound exploding only 20-25 meters above my head, my digital camera (which can only store 1 minute and 45 seconds worth of video), my natural camera (my eyes), and my internal memory (my brain). Got videos, thinking of uploading it to YouTube. We'll see. Will update this post when I do. Anyways, Happy New Year 2007 everyone! Wishing us all the best in the coming year!

The Year in Review: 2006

I would like to say that this year is mostly about work, professionally, and the end of another stage in my life, personally. Many new things have I learned, many more mistakes have I made, but if you ask me should someone (or something, or God) gave me a time machine to go back to the start of the year (or any time in the past for that matter), would I change a thing? Would I have made different decisions?

Not likely.

I am now at this point in time because of all the things that I did, at least from my part. Other people have also affected my life in many ways this year and they will still do later on. But from my part, I won't dare change a thing.

The next paragraphs will describe the good lessons learned throughout the year 2006 for me, I hope you will be entertained and benefit from some (if not all) of them.

It was a very good year, at its best. And it was a very bad year, at its worse. This year has been everything all in one. Lessons learned are mostly at the personal level. The professional side of me is only a mirror of what I am personally. I must say that I am beginning to acknowledge and understand my own self, and instead of denying who I really am, I am now still in the learning process of accepting who I am. This is thanks to a certain major event that took place in this year, probably one of the turning points in my life. What's the conclusion of it? It is still unknown.

The later part of this year was spent on trying to adapt to a new environment, a new situation and its many circumstances. New experiences are always good, no matter what. It is true that when compared to many other places, people (and myself also) tend to conclude that the standards of my new 'habitat' is of a lower quality than many other places (please note that I am talking in a general sense, I am pretty sure there are qualities belonging to my current location that can be said as better compared to other places, such as cheaper prices of books), but I live only once (assuming that there's no such thing as reincarnation) and any new experiences I could get my hands on I'd gladly take (provided that they are not life-threatening).

A good lesson learned about anger: don't hold your anger inside for too long for it will corrupt you later on. Find a way to channel it, and make damn sure the people to whom the anger should be directed knows about it, preferably later on after you cool down a bit. This is good for your soul, and people will respect and treat you better. Control, direction and moderation. Something that I am still learning, but experiencing it hands-on rather than reading or hearing about it can really open your eyes up. A person could not understand the true meaning of hot until he put his hands inside a pot of boiling water.

Love is such a tricky thing. (Warning: ladies, you might want to skip the next few sentences, they're harsh and for gentlemen only...oh well, I know you want to keep reading anyways...). Sometimes, it is hard to differentiate which one is in direct control of a man: his brain, his heart, or his dick. Sometimes, dick is very cunning. It befriends the brain, and fools the heart. How to cut dick off from all its fooling around? You can't. If you do, you have to relocate to Bangkok (ah, another stereotyping). Just accept it, and be careful if dick is trying to fool your heart. When dick befriends the brain, it can be good. It can be really good. But don't let it fool the heart. It gets ugly when it does

Don't be anal with your money. It is only a means, not the end. And to reach an end, there might be other way besides money. But if you do have it, and you want to use it for something, anything at all, then do so. Don't let it control you, though, and don't let other people tell you what to do with it. Your money is yours. Just like your life. Just remember that there are consequences for every action that you do, and you have to realize it and be ready to accept it. Bear in mind also that money has power only because it is people who have given it power. Realize this, and you can use it to your advantage, should you choose to do so.

Meeting new people is always fun. You get to see how colorful people can be. Whenever there is a chance to meet new people, do so. They provide you with entertainment beyond your imagination. See their facial expressions, hear the funny noises they make, see the twinkle in their eyes, watch them walk, watch how their mouth moves whenever they're talking or eating, notice their new haircuts, and many more entertaining tid bits. There are billions of people inhabiting this planet of ours. You won't get bored.

Stay in touch with friends. They will remind you of who you were, who you are, and who you can be. True, that there are many people in this world, but only a microscopic portion of them can, or will be, your friends. And (this is classic, folks), when you do find them, make sure you keep them. I think this lesson is worth repeating every year...heck, everyday.

Well, that's it for now folks! The 2006 show's over, everyone went home, and there shall be no encore for 2006. Let's play 2007's game, and we'll see what'll happen.

Teacher Dude

A Book Review

Title:
Teacher Man

Author:
Frank McCourt

I knew Frank McCourt's 'Angela's Ashes', his Pulitzer Prize-Winning autobiography book, from my uncle (who happens to be of the same age as I am) whose girlfriend lend him the book. Read a couple of pages while we were having an island-holiday retreat and I was hooked, then decided to get my own copy. I don't know what the criteria for Pulitzer is, but based on my experience in reading Angela's Ashes, I think the guy really deserves the prize.

Now, a couple of years later and 2 more books (his second book is titled ''Tis'), I must say that the writing style that charmed me is still going on strong. What is so interesting about McCourt's writing style is its fluidity. The guy can go straight from an indirect sentences to direct sentences with grace and ease. Not only that, every page, every sentences in this book is brimming with his playful personality, which makes the book fun and easy to read. A real page turner, this is.

If 'Angela's Ashes' is about McCourt's harsh childhood when he was living in Limerick, Ireland, and ''Tis' is about the story of his adapting to living in America, 'Teacher Man' is about his easing into his job as a teacher in various learning institutes in New York. Not as serious as 'Angela's Ashes' and ''Tis', McCourt describes his many experiences as the 'teacher man', his views about teaching in general (in the U.S. of A., at least), and stories about many of his more interesting students. This book is not only about teaching though, because this is, afterall, Frank McCourt's autobiography book. This is like 'McCourt on Teaching in General', with a bit of his Irish childhood background and his outside-0f-school life experience (but also related to his teaching experience) thrown here and there.

It is hard not to draw comparison between his previous two books, but I must say that 'Angela's Ashes' is the best of them all, with 'Teacher Man' coming at a not-so-distant second. ''Tis' is also a good read, it serves as a bridge between 'Angela's Ashes' and 'Teacher Man'. However, for these two books, ''Tis' and 'Teacher Man', I felt that McCourt is not as determined as he was when he was writing 'Angela's Ashes'. Either that or it's just that his life experiences that were told during 'Angela's Ashes' were just more varied and colorful compared to ''Tis' and 'Teacher Man'. Mind you, 'Teacher Man' is still a good book, and a good display of a unique writing style.

If you have read 'Angela's Ashes' and ''Tis', and are interested in the story of McCourt's life and you also like his writing style, you definitely have to get this book. If you haven't read 'Angela's Ashes', you might have a hard time trying to understand his background when you're reading 'Teacher Man'. So, for those who are interested in 'Teacher Man', but haven't got around to reading 'Angela's Ashes', I suggest that you do so. You will find a richer experience in Angela's Ashes, and it will give you the background you need in reading 'Teacher Man'. Finally, if you're a teacher or aspiring to be one, I must say that this book is a must-read to give you a general idea of what it's like being a teacher. Yes, I'm saying that this is about being a teacher anywhere, not only in the U.S. of A.

9 Lives

A Book Review

Title:
Ghostwritten

Author:
David Mitchell

"Try reading this, and when you're done, let me know what you think," a friend of mine said. And so I did. He lend me the book, and about 3 - 4 months after that (dude sorry for holding your book hostage for so long a time, I promise I'll return it to you when I'm back in Indonesia), I finally finished reading the damn thing.

So, what's the book all about? Basically, there are 9 short stories in this book, but each story is connected, closely or distantly (mostly distantly) to the others in some ways. For example, the character in the second story heard about the character from the first story in a news in TV. The character from the third story saw the character in the second story in a small restaurant (but didn't talk to each other), and so on. It is as if the other characters from other stories are only a 'prop' in a given story. The stories are told from the first person perspective. The settings are also quite varied, ranging from Russia to Japan. The main characters are also colorful in variation, from an artwork thief in St. Petersburg to a delusional cult-slash- terrorist member in Japan. However, there's an underlying common theme among the stories told in this book that will become obvious in the later part of the book.

What is remarkable about this book is the author's skill in writing. I have to agree with my friend that each story is written as if by a different author. In short, each story has its own feel to it, a different atmosphere.

I'd like to think of this book as a collection of short stories, even if there exists a small thread of connection between each of the stories told. Each story is not about the main theme of the book, but mostly about the personalities and the lives of each of the story's main characters. For myself, my favourite story is the last story in this book, but my favourite scene is the sex scene in the third story (very raw, yet sensual).

One of the interesting thing about reading this book is trying to find references to previous stories main characters when reading through a certain story of a certain main character. You really have to pay attention to all the little details mentioned in this books. The references are sometimes obvious, but often times a bit subtle, especially in the later parts of the book. Furthermore, it is interesting to find how each of the main characters affects each other, no matter how subtle the effect is.

So, the book's got varied location settings, colorful characters, and an interesting yet subtle thread between each of the short stories. I must say that this book is a serious read, and to be able to really appreciate it you must dedicate your full attention while reading it. It is also a good learning reference for a certain someone who's trying to publish his own book and studying other authors' style of writing (hint hint...). (note to lender: Hey, dude, I'll bring the book back to ya so you can start learning again and start writing your own damn book. Make sure you have a character who's like me in your damn book. And don't make him die in the early part of the book, alright?)

A very recommended book for those who are into serious books, or who have time to dwell into serious books. Avoid it if you're looking for a light read, because this one demands your full attention. Or else you won't appreciate all the little details and their effects on the book as a whole.

The Christmas Party, Part I

"Would you mind being the searcher?"
This one should be interesting, but I knew back then that I was going to be the butt of people's jokes, but what the heck, the gal needed my help and I knew that I could make things interesting. However, before that I had to ask something, "Wasn't it supposed to be that guy?"
"That guy said no, he doesn't want to play the game...please, could you be the searcher?"
"Can't you find someone else?"
"No, we've asked, and nobody wants to. Please, could you be the searcher?"
Well, that's me. I knew I wanted to back then, I knew I wanted the stage, but if there can be someone else then that someone else should come first before me. Who knows, maybe he could be more entertaining than I was. That’s me, fellas. Confident, yet submissive at times. A left over from my dark-age era, when I thought all I could ever be was a nerd. I still am right now, deep down I could never deny my nerdiness.
But, there was no one else.
"Okay, I'll play the game."
"Great! Thanks, Arie! No worries, the searchees are all good-looking women. You won’t regret this."
"Ha ha ha, nice. That should be interesting."

Sheesh, really, I wanted to be the one entertained, but oft times I've found out that entertaining people makes me entertained. So, there goes nothing.

Oh, you asking what I'm talking bout right now? It's my project's Christmas party. What is the 'searcher' and 'searchee' thing all about? It’s called ‘The Dating Game’. And this game was to be played during the Christmas party. How this game is played, you pressed on? Alright, alright kids, gather ‘round and let me tell ya what it’s all about.

First, there’s what we call the ‘searcher’, the one looking for a date. Then, there’s the ‘searchees’, the candidates for a date with the searcher. These people (both searcher and searchee) are picked by the committee beforehand. Ya gotta know that the searcher and the searchees don’t know each other. Their identities are kept secret by the games committee (oooohh, mystery…). Oh yeah, ya gotta understand that we don’t call this ‘The ‘Gay’ (or Lesbian) Dating Game’. You, of course, know what that means. Ya dig? Great.

The place where it all happened...

During the game, the searcher is hidden behind a white sheet (in case you’re wondering, this is to hide the searcher’s AND the searchees’ identities from each other. Duh). The searcher will ask several ‘relevant’ questions, and each searchee will have to give her best answers (or him, for the female searcher). Whether or not the answers are good will be based on the crowd’s cheer. So, in the end, the crowd will decide which searchee is the best. Sounds interesting, isn’t it?

So, Friday December 8^th came, and it was time for the party. Hard Rock in Manila ain’t so bad. But I must say that Jakarta’s Hard Rock’s better tho, in my humble opinion. Food ain’t so good, sushi they serve gave me the shiver. Y’see, I am crazy, I mean, KUH-RAY-ZEEE bout all things sushi, but them sushi they serve made me feel like I was in a cooking-horror movie. The other food was not exactly that good either, but at least they were better than sushi. The venue was a bit small when compared…

…fuck this shit.

I ain’t gon be talking bout them venues and food and shit. I’m gon be talkin’ bout the party, man, the party! So, there was the fabulous, United-Color-of Benetton MC trio. They’re all good, man. They’re all good. One of ‘em was really hilarious though. He got some pretty nice shit going on during the show. I should hire him whenever I need an MC here in Manila. Fun guy, really.

There was also the band. Three singers performed during the band performance, one of ‘em was one of the higher ups in the project. You go, pops! We dubbed him ‘Papa Noel’ during the show, coz his name IS Noel and also because it was a Christmas party. For youse who are in the not-know, Papa Noel is one of Santa’s many alias…he’s in many most-wanted list for having a toy factory in the north pole and causing all this global warming shit…I mean, shit dude, think of all those toys he had to make and imagine how much heat the factory emits…it’s all his fault, man…and think bout the rising water level. Where do you think all that water came from? Yep, North Pole. Anyways, it turned out that December 8^th was also Noel’s birthday. Yeah, he got to blow all the candles and shit, dude. And it was great. So, now you know what Christmas is all about. Yep, it’s Santa’s birthday, kids! Yeeeeehawwww…rip those gift wrappings away, folks!

The other two singers are great too. A round of applause for Mrs. Cathy Kimpo for a sweet performance. She makes good MC and a very good singer. As for the other singer, let me describe her this way:

“Yo, pick up yer jaw from the floor.”

“Wha?” I said while wiping my drool away from all over my face.

Oh my God, the bitch could sing! And she’s got the face to boot, man! I was taking pictures and shit, right, playing my part as the documentary guy (when I was actually taking snapshots of all the hot babes around…well nah I’m just a bit exaggerating here…) and then she started singing and boy was she a knocker, man! Pretty face (she was the Indian people’s most fave bitch in the project, and I know for a fact that my team mate was on to her), good voice, butt like a dump tru…sorry, couldn’t help myself. I’m so in love. My friend musta been watchin’ me got knocked off coz she said somethin’ bout ‘blank face’, ‘jaw’, ‘drop’ ‘floor’ and ‘drool’. But I ain’t givin her a shit, was paying attention to this singer babe, y’see, she rocked! I’m so askin’ her out on a date (my team mate is SO going to hate my guts if I do that). And I’m definitely hiring her should I need a singer.

There was an accident afterward. The crowd made a VERY serious and dangerous mistake…

They cheered me to go on stage and sing.

Yeah, Imagine me singing...not a pretty sight...

Man, I ain’t know the song (it was ‘Closing Time’ and fuck I forgot the lyric), and well, one of the Sand Man (our nick for senior manager) practically kicked my butt and shoved me to go on stage. Sheeyittt. So I got on stage, and told myself “Okay, kid, just sing during the chorus, and act crazy in between.” And, this was probably one of the miracles of Christmas: they bought it! Shit, man, I sucked, but they liked it! All I did was sang the chorus and that’s it! Well, I probably danced, jumped around on stage, and practically acted crazy. Didn’t know what to say. Feels like thanking Santa.

And finally, it’s game time! I didn’t know who the searchee ladies were, but I had a feeling about one of ‘em. Tried chaging’ my voice a bit, giving it more of a bass tone sprinkled with some sleaziness (like, “Give me some luuuuuuuvvv, baybeh, Ah want sum luuuuuuuuvvvvviinnnn…”, something like that) so that they wouldn’t know who I was (later on they told me that they knew it was me cause they saw my shoes…sucks). But, hell, it was fun, man. Yeah, I became the butt of jokes for days to come, but at least I made two bitches happy. One was the one asking me to play searcher, the other one was the one searchee I picked during the game’s end (she got a sparkling wine for being picked by me, not bad eh?).

So, the party was awesome, we danced, discoed, sang until midnight and finally it was time to break the joint. And due to my performance that night, they asked me to be an MC for another Christmas party. Shit, ain’t know nothin’ bout being MC, I’m just a nerdy kid. Well, we’ll see in Christmas party part 2, shall we? (If I feel like writing it, that is).

Was So Sick of It

I noticed lately that songs weren't always about love. I mean, well, there were still some love songs, but at least they were not the kind of "I love you, you love me, we're one big happy family" love songs. Or, maybe, it was just that my playlist was loaded with songs that were not the mushy-mushy kind of love songs. Yeah, I guess this is the most appropriate reason. Most of the songs were about life in general. Some of my latest favorites are:

Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence
Okay, okay, this might be a love song, but it has a bit of a twist at the end of the song. Just listen to the lyric.

No Such Thing - John Mayer
Ever felt like you were being cheated by your parents, your teachers, and older people in general? Ever felt like they were lying to you about life and the world? Ever felt like they were just scaring you so that you'll take the safer, easier, path in life? These are what this song are all about.

Stop This Train - John Mayer
Gee, John Mayer again? Anyways, this one song is all about feeling like your life is speeding by you, that everything you know and everyone you cared for are changing faster and faster, and that all you want is just to stop the time, smell the roses and be with the people and things you are familiar with...for just a moment. But there's nothing you can do. Just ride the train. A tear jerker...Now I feel really old...

Drive - Incubus
Everyone has fear in their hearts. And many has let it control their lives. This song is all about trying to break free of that fear, even if it means sobering up and being different from other people. If you ever felt like going against the current, like it was just you against the world, listen to this song.

Without a Fight - Hoobastank
A really cool and hyper-upbeat song, knew this one from the game 'Elite Beat Agents'. A wake up call for those who think that there's nothing wrong with their lives. There IS something wrong, man! You're not living your life to the fullest! Wake up! Get yourselves in control of your own lives! Take the risk and jump! The clock's counting down...

On A High - Duncan Sheik
A bit of a love song, but it also tells you about life. People tell you that you need this and that to be happy in your life. This song will tell you that those are just bullshit, happiness is just in the way of you see things in your life. If you're fine, then you're fine...

I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! at the Disco
A very interesting song. Very good and catchy melody, and interesting lyric. It's definitely not a love song. I didn't catch the meaning of the song, but I don't think that that's the point of this song. A really good song with catchy melody and lyric. Watch the music video, it's really good.

Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance
Geez, I really don't know what's this song is all about, but still a cool song and upbeat :D

Dani California - Red Hot Chili Pepper
RHCP seems to be fond of California (Californication, everyone?). The song is quite good, but what stands out the most is the music video. They imitated many famous groups, such as Aerosmith, the Beatles, Queen, and many more. Very entertaining and funny.

SexyBack and My Love - Justin Timberlake
Catchy dance songs, make ya wanna move your body to the rythm. The music videos for SexyBack and My Love are really cool. Check out the live performance during MTV Music Video award. And no, these songs are definitely not about love. It's about dance, baby, dance!

Something's Missing - John Mayer
Notice the pattern here, folks? Anyways, ever felt like even though you had everything you could ever ask for: fame, fortune, babes, but still feels like there's something important missing in your life? Well, this is what this song is all about...

You Know My Name - Chris Cornell
One very sexy and macho song. Chris Cornell lends his unique voice to make this one of the most memorable Bond theme song. Great Bond-ish melody, great vocal strength, and overall grand melody. And true to the movie, the song portrays a melody that is filled with raw, brute power yet elegant in its delivery. Geez, I'm talking nonsense here, just listen to the song and you'll understand what I'm saying.

September - Earth, Wind and Fire
Another addition from 'Elite Beat Agents', thanks to the game I realized how catchy this song is. It's a bit of a love song, but this one really make you feel like movin' to the beat. Easy listening, yet fun to dance to.

Remember folks, this might not be what the songs are really all about. I'm just seeing it from my eyes and try to relate them to my life. Might mean different things to you guys. Well, there are many more, but it's getting late and I really need my sleep. To end this post, I'll just let you in on my current most favorite, which is related to the title of the post and what this post was all about in the beginning: love songs (or, the lack of them in my current playlist). And this was probably how I felt a couple of months ago, and still do at times. Please welcome Ne-Yo, with 'So Sick'.

Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone
Cuz right now it says that we
Can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cuz you walked out the door
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore
(it's ridiculous)
It's been months
And for some reason I just
(can't get over us)
And I'm stronger then this
(enough is enough)
No more walkin round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Cryin over you

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calender I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone
(Stupid love songs)
Dont make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
Let it go
Turning off the radio

Cuz I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Said I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishin you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
Why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
Why can't I turn off the radio?

Homesick

It was Wednesday, November 29th 2006 and after waiting for a bit more than a month since my last fly back, I finally get to go home again. We left the office during the late afternoon, me and a friend of mine, for Ninoy Aquino airport. Check in was a breeze thanks to SQ's online check-in facility, and the flight was uneventful (turbulence was a regular issue). Wanted to watch one of the movies they have for the in-flight entertainment, but after only about 20 minutes I found the movie to be a bit...boring. I couldn't believe it myself, Michael Mann's movies are usually cool but I couldn't help myself but feel a bit disappointed with his 'Miami Vice'.

My friend reminded me of something that I used to like doing whenever I was on a plane: watching out the window as the land, the cities, the cars, the buildings, the lights, grow smaller and smaller as the plane ascends. Looking at her looking out of the window reminded me of that. As she did so, I looked out as well. And I was reminded of why I used to like doing so. There is this feeling of peacefulness seeing the land grow smaller and smaller. Maybe it's that sense that I'm leaving my problems behind, all that crowded places, the dizzying pace of life, on the land, even if it's only for a little while. And I looked on until all I could see was cloud. Time to turned on the in-flight entertainment system. Oh yeah, Miami Vice was a drag...

The flight from Manila to Singapore took about 3 hours. To get rid of the boredom of a 3-hour flight, the good people of SQ provided us with an in-flight entertainment system. However, it seems that they did some changes to it now. Every time I tried watching other movies (yeah, was trying to avoid seeing Miami Vice), the movie, whatever it is, doesn't start from the beginning and the 'rewind' button didn't work. I seemed to remember that previously it was possible to rewind. Sucks. I didn't feel like watching other movies starting right in the middle of the story (thanks to Miami Vice for 20-30 minutes worth of boredom), so I instead decided to continue reading 'Teacher Man' by Frank McCourt, one of my favorite writers. By the way, any of you are welcome to correct me about the in-flight entertainment system. I might be wrong, it might be that I just didn't know how to use it.

Singapore's Changi Airport buzzed with activity, as always, when we arrived there. The place was just like a big shopping mall but instead of cars and car parks it had planes coming and going on the runways. Tried to check-in at the transit hotel but were told that all rooms were fully booked and that we might have to wait until 12 o'clock midnight (we got there around 10 in the evening) until room availability. So, we decided to use the 2 hours we had on our hands to go around and do some window-(and maybe some real)-shopping. Looked into one of the book stores they have there and spotted some potential reading materials, but decided against buying them for the time being. Gonna buy them on my way back to Manila. Took some pictures of a friend since the place was quite full with Christmas decorations. Ate midnight 'snack' at Burger King. This is a must, since they don't have Burger Kings in Indonesia, and the one they have in Manila sucks.

Midnight came, and we went to the transit hotel in Changi's terminal 1 to check whether or not there was any available room by that time. It was not our luck, there were no rooms available. We had to wait for another one and a half hour before we finally got a room for ourselves. Well, it was better than nothing.

Morning came, and continue the journey we must. Caught the sunrise using my camera when we were waiting to board the plane. It was a beautiful, peaceful, Changi airport sunrise. The world was waking up, and I was about to board a plane going home. A very nice picture, isn't it? It was. Beautiful.

A Changi Sunrise

The flight took only a bit more than an hour, and it was Jakarta again, at last, after a month and a little more than a week waiting. It felt so long, maybe because a lot has been going on when I was in Manila and that I needed to come back home and talk to people that matters most in my life. Jakarta, there I was, ready to meet my family and friends.

First order of the day that Thursday, November 30th, was to go to home, get changed, and go to the office in Jakarta. However, since my car was needed, to save time I decided not to go home and went straight to the office instead. Meeting friends and colleagues and talking about things that had been going on was fun. Found out that there would be more people going to Manila for the project. Things were getting more and more interesting now. Also, there were some administrative stuff that I needed to take care of at the office (getting new laptops, fiscal reimbursement, and the likes). You know, the routine. Errr...no you don't know. Anyways.

In the afternoon, went out to one of the nearby mall to meet a good friend there and had lunch with her at our favorite sushi place, her treat (thanks DD!). She also gave me a Christmas present AND an early birthday present...that's it, she made me owe her big time (that's another way of saying "Thanks a bunch, DD!"). Had to go back to the office to pick up a couple of things before going again to Senayan City to meet up again with Dide and to wait there for another appointment with an old ghost from the not-so-distant past. Friends been telling me that it was not a wise thing meeting the person, but I didn't wanna back off from it. It was just something that's got to be done. And it was done, got out of it, and that was that.

I finally set foot in my house after the whole day being in Jakarta already, running around doing chores, meeting good friends, settling old scores. My mother was still in her practice room when I came home, settling some of her usual daily administrative stuff after her dental practice was over for the day. Came in to the practice room, and gave her a good bear hug. Told her 'bout the things that has been going on lately, the latest developments, and asked her opinion on them. Had a good heart-to-heart session with her, as always. Met my brother and my dad, said congratulations for his recently-received professor title. Happy for him on that, I knew how much he wanted the professor title. Went to bed tired to the bones.

A friend from the office (that's you, BQ, don't try to whistle and pretend that you know nothing ha ha ha), asked me the day before that if I should go to Mangga Dua he would like me to buy something for him. So, that Friday I went to Mangga Dua. It is some sort of a 'must-go' thing whenever I was back home in Jakarta. New games, new gadgets, new stuff, new DVDs, you know the routine. No...errr...you don't. Maybe. Anyways, I went to Mangga Dua, met up with another good buddy of mine who happens to share the same enthusiastic attitude towards gadgets and technology. Bought what BQ asked me to, and got one for myself also. I love my Nintendo DS, what can I say? And personally, I think it's a better gaming platform than PSP, although when it comes to media, PSP is much better.

Okay, okay, that was my nerd side of me running away with the conversation...So, anyways...

Got an appointment with several friends in the evening, asked my friend MK to come along (the fellow gadget person) and he came along as well. It was quite...overwhelming, all my friends from different groups in the same place, sipping coffee and tea, having a great time. Felt like I had to be some kind of a moderator or something. However, it was a good thing they got the same chemistry so that it wasn't that hard to get the conversation going. Met a good friend whom I haven't seen in four years. Much has happened since the last time I saw her, but it's a good thing that our friendship has not changed much. She brought with her a friend who brought for me some kind of revelation about a certain member of my family and my family in general. Had quite a good conversation with her. Met a good friend whom I met originally in friendster, VN, had a good conversation with her also. And, as always, met a good buddy who's like a second brother to me, HD. And I was glad that everyone got along pretty well. Thanks for a good night out, friends. It's one of the best I've ever had.

Saturday, one day before I would be leaving for Manila again, I went to see VN at a mall right in the corner of one of Jakarta's busiest and biggest intersection. We went to my office for a little while to pick up something and then went to a book store in the Kemang area (by the way, thanks for driving me around, VN, felt like cutting my dick off for not being the one driving YOU around, but still thanks a lot, babe). Spilled the beans on the latest happenings in my life to her (instead of looking at the books). I hope you enjoyed that, VN. And also, thanks for the latest testimonials. Appreciate it a lot.

Guess where this is...

Got a call from BQ, and decided to pay him a visit later on. Had quite a good lunch at a cafe one floor above the book store. The food was okay, however had a rather bad vibe with one of the waiter there. Yuck. In any case, it was a good conversation we had there. Coming up next was going to a mall in Senayan to pick up DD. We went to BQ place after that.

Visiting BQ and his wife MA is always fun. It's always nice to see the two of 'em, a strangely funny couple, but easy on the eyes. They look very comfortable with each other, in a funny and good way, and I like seeing them together. BQ is quite the nerd, a gamer (just like me), yet his wife can easily put up with him and be comfortable. Can't wait to see their kids. Wanna see how they'd turn out to be. We don't exactly talk a lot, but I enjoyed being in BQ's company. We're almost the exact same type of people, him and me (hint: Sagittarius). He reminded me of HD in some way (mostly because they share the same enthusiasm in PC games). Thanks to BQ and MA for being a very good host. I will surely visit you guys again whenever I fly back to Jakarta. If you guys don't mind, that is.

Had to go for a dinner appointment with my dad (it was his treat, to celebrate his getting his professor title, thanks Dad!), my brother, HD, SV, and MK. Wanted to go to Ancol, but decided somewhere easier to reach. We ended up in a mall right in front of Bundaran HI. It was a really good dinner. Would really like to thank my friends for coming along.

Phew! That was a long entry! Met so many friends, met a couple of new people, faced something that I didn't feel like facing, and met my beloved family. The next day, Sunday, it was time again to say good bye to Jakarta. Manila (and a pile of work) was waiting. So, off I was to the airport once again. Once again, Jakarta became smaller and smaller and was finally hidden behind white clouds. Singapore greeted and played host for awhile. Got myself three more books in Changi, so be ready for more book reviews (once I'm done with them, of course, God knows when that would be...). And finally, Manila became bigger and bigger. Took my first step off the plane, and I was walking forward again...

The (Rush) Holiday Season

It has been quite an eventful time for me lately. There was the project's Christmas party last week, and there was my company's Christmas party last night (which happens to be my birthday party as well) and there's the project's deadline looming very close in the horizon.

It has been exciting, yet I have a feeling that things have been going on a little bit to fast for me these last couple of weeks. There are so many things I would like to write, so many books I'd like to read, so many things I'd like to do, so many places I want to be, yet I have so little time. And when I do have time, I was already too tired.

Things to write? There's this book review, and there's this tribute to my (not so) recently deceased member of the family (she's not blood-related to me, but the bond we have goes beyond blood), there are these music reviews, and oh-so-many more things that I'd like to write.

But I'm stuck with my work, and I don't have the luxury of time. Well, you've guessed it. This is just another filler post, but one that I feel an obligation to write. Probably just to commemorate the passing of another year in my life, or maybe I'm just feeling a bit swamped with everything.

And since I find that there will always be at least one song for every occasion, I would like to dedicate this one song to those of you who have been feeling that life goes a bit faster with each passing moment and that there's nothing you can do but just enjoy it while you still live. It's 'Stop This Train' by John Mayer.

No, I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
I try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
I don't want to see my parents go
One generation's LEAD THE WAY
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I will never stop this train